I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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