I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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