I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
