a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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