My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
