I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
