There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
