I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
