as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
