I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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