bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
