My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
