omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize