There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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