I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
