The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I want to have your abortion
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
