His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
