Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
