I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
