Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I am available for nakedness
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
