The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
