I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
