I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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