i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
