I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
