PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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