My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
