eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
