Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
