Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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