i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
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