Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
