How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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