you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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