In the future we'll all be gay
Barsexuality is the new black.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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