remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
