there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
