Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
