you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
