so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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