at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
