I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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