I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
