And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
