I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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