i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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