Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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