Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
