I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
