ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
