saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
