i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
