So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
