She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
